There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
