i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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