dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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