FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
