Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
