You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
