I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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