then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
