I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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