The maid of honor just puked.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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