Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
