My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
