did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
