Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
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I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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