So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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