If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
