Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
