Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
