So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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