Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish you could order shots online.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.