You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.