I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
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Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
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Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao