too bad you live with your parents still
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
