I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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