Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.