And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.