i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD