remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
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I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.