I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just high enough for therapy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?