she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.