dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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