I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
