I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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