lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
