you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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