did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
