Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
