He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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