I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My bed smells like the plague
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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