they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
