I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
