i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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