saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
no, he came in my armpit
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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