I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
