can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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