i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
