She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
