DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize