I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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