Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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