What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
