arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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