I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
