Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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