I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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