He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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