so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
